Many people have asked me this question: “Who are you, Otto”.
I will tell you. I am Otto. I recognize now that most people in this world are not like me. I do not cry for these people.
I was born in Holchamspitze Austria. I was raised to not be concerned with riches and wealth just like most people are raised to not be concerned about ducks and cormorants. That is a way of saying I am wealthy from old country riches. I am the single heir to a long chain of wealthy people who have died. There are people who send me money. If I want something, it is mine. If I were still in Austria I wouldn’t say these things, but I’m in America, and I have learned that in America you must let people know that you have riches.
I live with no humans. I’m an expert of many things. I had a flashy career of sewing balloons for the Macy’s parades in Manhattan. I did it for the love of balloons. I love balloons.
I have a lot of animals. Some are helper animals. Some are companions. I also have some plants. I mention them sometimes.
I’ve only had one haircut in my entire life. It was for my hair suit. You can read about that.
I ride a rascal because I’m rotund. When I’m not on the rascal I lean against my leaning dog. I have conditions a lot. I’ve been in several comas. I have folds that need powdering to reduce the illegal odors.
I used to fight with my neighbor Doug (he made me angrier than Hitler), but I moved to San Francisco recently and have no neighbors. I bought a huge warehouse. The downstairs part is boarded up and looks like Mexico. The upstairs part is my house, all of it. I have an elevator with a sofa in it.
I have a new goal. I want to be famous. But I don’t want to use money. It’s my first worthwhile goal in 9 years.
I don’t know how I will be famous.