I still haven’t heard from the weather people about Stupid Diane of the Evening News. I’ve decided that perhaps they didn’t take me seriously, so I sent them a gift basket with rare fruits and cheeses. The message said “Rename it to Stupid Diane of the Evenin” because you could only fit that many letters in the box.
I’m taking a new medication that is turning everything blue. I feel like Little Orphan Annie on the Yellow Brick road.
Doug ran over Frank, my vomiting cat, with his mower. I sent Doug a gift basket too. I won’t mention what was in it, but I will say that it included a live badger I trapped in my garage over the weekend. Badgers are known to rip human beings to shreds, but I think it will only scratch Doug because Doug lays out in the back yard in his blue striped bikini shorts getting a nice tan. And the badger was full from eating all the frozen hot dogs in my freezer in the garage. I considered taming the badger, but he ate my Cheddar filled hot dogs, and I can’t forgive him for that.
Doug came over a few minutes ago with half of his head shaved and wearing an eye patch. It’s good to know he got the gift basket. He tried to wrestle me right there in my driveway, but I was feeling a bit spry, what with the new medication I bought from the Internet, and sent him on his way. He needs a life.
I’m feeling a bit tired of this Internet thing. I feel like I’m doing a lot of talking but not a lot of listening. I like email. Send me email. firstname.lastname@example.org.