Romanian Underpants

Humans of Fine Quality,

I’ve been lounging about in a palace, with fine people of Quality, in Vienna. This city is so perfect, and clean. And everyone is so obidient. I’m not in the mood to write, so I’ll make this brief. I know you are all dying to hear how the hair suit turned out, but I’m too tired to talk about it. I have pictures of this palace, but I might not be able to show them for a while.

I did want to mention that I got an email message from someone a week ago that said this:

Subject: Romanian Sportswear ExportDear customer,

Please be so kind and review our Sportswear export proposal below:

Brief Export Proposal

Our area of interest is quality Sportswear export at the lowest prices.

The capabilities and references listed below show the advantages
obtained by the Sportswear companies we worked for.

We would like you to send us your specific inquiry/offering demand.

This will give us the chance to prove our efficiency.


I cut off the email, because it is so long, but let me tell you this: it talks all about how they want me to sell their underwear from Romania. I thought, that because I’m nearby, that they might like to give me a tour of their factory, to determine if I indeed should sell their goods. Here is my reply:

Hello Fine Romanians!My name is Otto, and I thank you greatly for your email message about Romanian Underwear. I must say, I love underwear. I’m currently not wearing any, and my level of comfort is not as high as it is when wearing underwear. Usually I wear boxer briefs, but I’ll wear just about any style, as long as it’s not a thong.

I was intrigued by your email message. Did you know that I’m currently on holiday in Austria? I just got back from having the hair suit tailor harvest my hair to make a hair suit. It’s the pinnacle of my life, to have a hair suit made from hair that’s been growing from birth. The first thing I noticed after having all my hair removed was that I am cold. I found a Siberian Tiger Pelt at the local market place, and I’ve had that wrapped about my body until my hair suit is finished being tailored. It can take weeks.

I thought that because I’m in the general area of Central Europe, that I should come your way soon and tour your fine factory. Tell me, do you have underwear models? How about quality control, do you have someone trying on underwear to make sure everything is being cradled nicely? And when they’re done, do they slip in a little slip of paper that says “Checked by QC #49”? And do the underwear models stand there, naked, and shivering until they next pair arrives hot off the presses? These are things I need to know before I can consider using you as my underwear supplier.

Do you make underwear for animals? Sometimes poodles will be fine with wearing underwear. For some animals, if they’re no wearing underwear in the house, they’re spanked until they either get out of the house, or put on some pants.

And in Romania, do you call them pants or skivvies?

What’s the biggest size of underwear you make?

Thank You Romanians!


I got a reply this morning, but I can hardly make sense of it.

Dear Otto, thanks for your answer concerning is Romanian sport clothe export. We are lucky contact with you to have formed. Their history over a hair complaint is amazing. They have a quantity of questions, therefore I try to answer them as fast as possible. Our quality control representatives examine for problems with attaching and fabric. We do not have to examine representatives to see over if the clothe seats. There are too many sizes and too many forms of the people, so that this happens. However we have model attitude, if we sketch the clothes. All woman models raise bright and in pubic the region are finest above all, in order to reduce each possible floppiness the fabric within this range. The underwear to sketch is a fun job, No.? We excuse deeply us, we form not underwear for animals. We believe that animals should be left outside. Why do you set for underwear on a poodle? They can visit our factory at any time, if you wish, however we would wish any kind insurance, which would become you a good customer of ours first. In Romania we designate underwear writ. Thanks.

I’m going to reply, and ask them for their address, and what they sell their underwear for. I’ve always wanted to try and unseat Fruit of the Loom.


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