Cola is a Mystery to me

When I last spoke with Coca-Cola, they sent me an answer that was oh so vague. You see, if you read it, you don’t learn anything new about the mystical word Cola do you? I’ve been thinking about it, and it still reminds me of Hawaii whenever I hear it. Say “Cola”, and I picture hula girls with Coconut bikini tops and fluffly grass skirts. Call me crazy! Hahahah, but seriously, I can’t get the picture out of there. So I asked Robin again, what does Cola mean:

“Robin,My name is Otto, we just exchanged email messages. Thanks for the quick answer! But you didn’t answer my question. I’m still baffled by what the word Cola means in Coca-Cola. We all know what Coca means, the sweet, sweet nose candy, but I have no idea what Cola means. Does it mean Coconut? I don’t know, do you?”


Robin took a lot longer to reply this time. I was so hopeful, thinking maybe she had gone off to do research at the Coca-Cola library. Imagine, a Coca-Cola library, where all the books talk about Coca-Cola and when you go to the bathroom and flush the toilet, Coca-Cola swirls and swooshes all about. And when you shake the salt shakers, out comes Nerds candy, watermelon flavored. I know, I know, different subject, but you get my idea right? Robin is living it up, flushing with Coca-Cola, while I’m sleeping on my Nasa designed mattress pad to avoid getting bed sores. I sleep on the same stuff that astronauts take into space and use as padding for their heads when they float around all psychotic like.

Robin replied with this, hours and hours later:

“Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company again, Mr. Chogenbaakner.The brand name Coca-Cola was originated in 1886 by Frank Robinson who thought that the two Cs would look good in advertising. The name is not a derivative of cocaine, coca leaves, cola nuts, coconuts, nor cocoa beans.

The Coca-Cola Company
Industry and Consumer Affairs”


You know what I think? I think there’s no such thing as the Coca-Cola library. I think Robin is nuts. But that won’t stop me from drinking Coca-Cola, heck no. Since my toe accident, I spritz some here and there for the theraputic effects, and then I chug a 2 litre bottle to settle my always upset stomach.


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