I got a new email message! But wait, it’s more than just one email message, it’s more. I got an email message from a lady named Gena. She wrote me this great email message (the fifth email message I’ve ever got!):
Want to DROP a Few Pounds? Name Brand PHENTERMINE, ADIPEX, DIDREX, MORE!Would like to RELIEVE Some Pain?
Get VICODIN, HYDROCODONE, FIORICET, OTHERS!
blq jdpx asi ibpb snypj cp pyzjxwyetxvgtwttcgfynycyk
So I replied right away, because I always reply right away. Here is what I wrote. It took me nearly an hour!
Dear Gena,My name is Otto. Thank you for sending me this email message! I love email messages. And
isn’t Internet amazing? How did you know I wanted to drop a few pounds? I
once had a kidney that got so swollen that I almost had to have it
removed. The doctors said I would lose almost 25 pounds if they had to
remove it. That’s a lot of kidney!
What is DIDREX anyways? Sounds like a sort of pest repellent. I’ve been
fighting a plague of what I think are African Cave Dwelling spiders.
They’re so squirmy! I’m not as fast as I used to be, so capturing them can
be a chore.
Does FIORICET cause inflammation? I don’t need anymore of that.
How do I order a lot of Vicodin? I have a lot of money, but I’m not very
good with the Internet.
PS: Your email message is broken or something. Look at all this funny word you
sent me: pyzjxwyetxvgtwttcgfynycyk. Or maybe that is a type of drug? I’ll
take that too if you have it.
It’s true about the inflammation. I think it has something to do with a particular pair of cordoroy pants I’m wearing a lot lately. Gena email messaged me back too. I was so thrilled:
you’re kidding right?
I’m not sure I get what she’s saying. Usually I try to be funny, but there was no jokes in my email message. Maybe she thinks the thing about a kidney is hard to believe, but it’s true. I wrote her back:
Dear Gena,My name is Otto, you just sent me an email message. Why do you think I’m kidding? Was it about the kidney, because that’s not a joke. It was very painful. I’d wake up at night dripping in sweat, and I always thought it would be best to go sit out on the porch naked. Once, when I was so sweaty and uncomfortable, I went to sit on the back porch, and my pet ferret, Edsel, got loose. He went under the fence! I had to climb on a trash can and yell for him. Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Edsel! Come back! Come back! Come back! Come back! You dirty ferret, come back!
That’s when the police came, and then I told them about my kidney. I woke up in the hospital! Can you believe that? What a night.
Anyhow, I have my checkbook ready. I want to buy a case of Vicodin, and whatever else you have, as long as it doesn’t cause inflammation. Maybe I can buy just a case of Vicodin and some samples of the other exotic pills you have.
And now, I just finally got an email from Gena again. This is so fun! But I think she was upset.
don’t email me again, I don’t care if you have your checkbook ready, you’re either joking or criminally insane
I didn’t expect that. Oh well. Someone else just email messaged me about a place to buy medication, so I’ll start talking to them now.